26 Feb

I’m meditating, have been every day about a month or two now. It’s much easier to get into the state then it was when I began and you know a new habit’s been formed when you start to anticipate the event physically. When you start to need it.

I guess I have a stormy soul. I know I have a temper. Known that since I was knee-high to nothing much in particular. Redheads. What can you do? But it’s been a long time since I cracked it royally. Still I find myself grinding my teeth sometimes. Impatient with fools and discourtesy, always have been. The hostility’s mostly just something that wastes my own time. It’s better to be gentle and I like it that way. It’s usually the needless, mindless, very rough congress of the daily urban fandango that gets my goat. It disrupts the music behind it all. It scrambles the signals God sends out to us.

To learn to meditate properly I consulted a course which turned out to be a religion. They don’t seem to call themselves that, they have no interest in ‘converting’ us (so far). There’s imagalogical trinkets on sale but no pressure. The theology’s gradually introduced between meditation sessions. Parts make sense, others that don’t. I’m not a joiner of cults much. I won’t be joining this one. The cosmology’s Dharmic of course: endless cycles of reincarnation. About the soul’s mortality I have no opinion but according to this lot we’re in a diamond age. These are the short lived alpha-omega points of spiritual history. God – the Supreme they call it (and other things) – is a seed which grows into a tree over a cycle of decadence and advancment thru the ages of gold, silver, iron and diamond that last thousands of years. I won’t elaborate further except to say that, whilst we advance materially thru these cycles, we decline spiritually. Ain’t that always the way. At the end of these cycles comes a diamond age wherein the Supreme spirit is reborn and we all return to the Golden Age. Considering that diamonds are the hard and beautiful results of immense amounts of crushing pressure I’d say that this cosmological model is not without its appeals in the early 21st century. Some kind of pinnacle, some apocalypse is well part of the instinct of the time.

And the view, roughly, is widely shared. There are mystical Christians who say that we are entering the Age of the Holy Spirit. There are aspirants to paganism who still talk of the Age of Aquarius, etc. We are offered a cataclysm of change followed by an era usually presented as some kind of Utopia. A land of plenty where everyone is happy. I don’t know about that. I’m a little skeptical when religious people tell me my dreams will come true if only I wear the robe or don the pendent, stop cutting my hair, grow a beard etc. Anyway I don’t need it. I needed to learn to meditate and that’s what I got. There’s two more classes I’ll stick around out of curiosity.

I suspect that every religious movement in history has been a small seed of revelation inside a good few kilos of manure. Perhaps the manure helps the seed grow. But it’s still manure. That’s the difficulty. How do you know what’s horseshit and what ain’t. Well I reckon what’s true manifests because it starts to actually apply to life. Like the notion that it is desire which creates unhappiness. This is obviously true. Desire is knife-like. Neil Gaiman’s personification of this perfidious human aspect is described such and s/he walks ’round the world demonstrating how apt a description it is. S/he’s a bitch, an arsehole: a man and a woman. Always beautiful, always scary and vengeful, destructive, petty and mean. How many millions of poems’ve been writ by people broken by Desire. Purge desire, say the prophets, and you will be happy. Ah but you will also be…

What? What can be accomplished when you’ve done with longing? And what joy obtains in a life without it? The East has strived to purge desire in order to obtain liberty, the West has sought to obtain liberty in order to let us seek out our heart’s desires. And they’re both right. So stuck in this paradox what do you do? You meditate.


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